Using Emotional Intelligence to Build Potent Career Networks

"EI," or emotional intelligence, is defined as a set of emotional and social skills that influence the way we perceive and express ourselves, develop and maintain social relationships, cope with challenges, and use emotional information in effective and meaningful ways. Studies have shown that people with high EI have better mental health, exhibit exemplary job performance, and possess more-potent leadership and relationship-building skills. This article discusses the role of high EI in networking, explores opportunities to assert your EI, and conveys ways EI can be developed and improved to build powerful professional networks.

In networking, it is vital to have EI behavioral traits such as positive self-regard, which is the ability to accept and respect your strengths and weaknesses. It is also essential to be honest and genuine because people tend to respond favorably to those qualities. Equally important traits are positive emotional awareness—that is, recognizing and understanding your own emotions—assertiveness and independence. The latter two EI attributes involve communicating in socially acceptable and non-offensive ways, as well as the ability to be self-directed and free from emotional dependency on others. Conveying empathy is another key EI ingredient when networking because it allows you to put yourself in another person's shoes. You should always find ways with your approach to answer for the other person, "What's in it for me?"

Traditional networking scenarios of corporate events, conferences, and alumni or social functions have changed dramatically because of the COVID-19 pandemic. You once may have easily worked a room or interacted comfortably in social situations, but our new normal has changed those dynamics. You are now more likely than not to connect virtually via online meeting platforms such as Zoom or as is more common to be referred to a professional group or individual through a mutual third party. It is incumbent on those seeking strong networking connections to have a strategy and use EI skills to establish and solidify those relationships. Answering the following questions at the outset will help establish your networking strategy:

• How will you connect with those you would like to meet?

• Why are these connections important to your career?

• What are the needs of this person or group?

• How will you make a lasting impression that will convey your value?

• How can you create deeper connections rather than just trade contact information without the prospect of further communication?

Remember that almost every time you meet or come in contact with someone new, it can be considered networking.

Some of the advantages of EI-based networking are:

Greater responsiveness to you in times of need.

• Richer and more-positive responses when seeking support.

• Calls returned faster when you need a favor.

• A sense of well-being when you help others you care about. Having an attitude of service rather than trying to get something from the other party will make the connection more memorable and promote continued communication. The key to potent networking is building relationships with people and helping them for your mutual benefit.

To improve your EI, it is important to identify and understand some of the behaviors associated with enhanced EI and to develop mechanisms to build and use those behaviors for improved collaboration, teamwork and interpersonal relationships. Become familiar with examples of the behaviors associated with EI that help to build more-powerful professional networks, and create opportunities to incorporate EI in your day-to-day work. There are a number of contemporary EI thought leaders you can study, such as Daniel Goleman and Travis Bradberry. You may also reference timeless books by change influencers including Stephen Covey's classic The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Simon & Schuster, 1990) and How to Win Friends & Influence People (Pocket Books, 1998) by Dale Carnegie, both of whom espoused the advantages of higher EI early on.

Also, keep in mind the value of standard networking skills such as asking open-ended questions in order to delve deeper into discussion. And finally, develop ways to stay in contact with your new connection. Ask for an opportunity to help with solving a business problem or connecting over a shared interest. Remember to put your connections' needs and interests above your own, and you will surely have opportunities for win-win alliances in the future.

Strategies to Help Working Parents Amid COVID-19

The pandemic upended schooling and childcare, meaning parents are working overtime caring for children while also handling their full-time jobs. Associations can employ several strategies to help provide much needed support to their employees with children.

One of the most pressing byproducts of the COVID-19 pandemic is the challenges created for working parents with younger and school-aged children. Organizations employing parents of pre- and school-aged children must provide support to help them navigate their options over the next few months and beyond.

A recent HR Roundtable on working parents noted some important data. Approximately 75 percent of working parents have children staying at home, and almost half are now working remotely. Sixty percent of parents will need to change their current childcare within the next year—and many are single mothers. There should be strong messaging from organizational leadership indicating that they understand there is a problem and employees’ needs are being considered.

“Beyond referring frazzled parents to your organization’s Employee Assistance Program, work with your HR team to develop appropriate training and support options to meet the needs of staff.”

According to the grassroots organization Mindful Return, which is dedicated to supporting parents in the workforce, the following are a few areas for forward-thinking organizations to consider when planning for their workforce re-entry activities and beyond.

FMLA Leave and Mental Health Support

The Families First Coronavirus Response Act requires certain employers to provide paid sick leave or expanded family and medical leave for specified reasons related to COVID-19. These provisions currently run through December 31, 2020, and say covered employers must provide

• two weeks (up to 80 hours) of paid sick leave at the employee’s regular pay rate where the employee is unable to work because they are quarantined and/or experiencing COVID-19 symptoms and seeking a medical diagnosis;

• two weeks of paid sick leave at two-thirds regular rate of pay because the employee is unable to work in order to care for an individual subject to quarantine, or to care for a child under 18 whose school or childcare provider is closed or unavailable due to COVID-19;

• up to an additional 10 weeks family medical leave at two-thirds the employee’s regular rate of pay where an employee, who has been employed for at least 30 calendar days, is unable to work due to a bona fide need for leave to care for a child whose school or childcare provider is closed or unavailable for reasons related to COVID-19.

HR departments need to emphasize that these leaves are in effect, and it is OK for working parents to take them. Beyond referring frazzled parents to your organization’s Employee Assistance Program, work with your HR team to develop appropriate training and support options to meet the needs of staff.

Support Parents With Schooling Concerns

Many public schools are offering both virtual-only and hybrid learning options. With the changing needs of students, as well as safety concerns, some association staff have had a difficult time finding the right learning solution for their children. In addition to public school options some are considering: homeschooling (Podcast-Psychologist Julie Bogart is an expert in the homeschooling space), remote learning coupled with tutoring, and pandemic pods.

A pandemic pod is a group of like-minded parents who coordinate the education of their children in a shared environment and agree on the terms and conditions of the learning pods. Emily Oster, a professor at Brown University, has assembled a set of pod considerations and risks.

Time Management and Productivity Support

Offer practical suggestions for stress management by encouraging staff to establish healthy boundaries and employ effective time-management strategies. A few tools include:

Advance planning. Calendar two to three weeks ahead on how your days will be managed and set a schedule. Include automated reminders throughout the day.

Boundaries. Staff should be open about applying work and home boundaries.

Acknowledgment. Employers need to understand that children under a certain age cannot be left alone and require more attention from employees.

Separation rituals. Provide younger children with mental separation triggers Find ways to signal to children that you are working (i.e., notes or colors on the door; creating a “quiet space;” respecting closed doors or home office space, etc.)

Time management. Try these three methods:

The Pomodoro Method suggests people work on one project with email and social media off for 25 minutes, then take a five-minute break. If your mind wanders to another task, simply write it down and go back to the task at hand.

• Another method is to start each day with your most important task. Write it down the night before. Do the most important task first. A series of three Pomodoros is ideal, followed by a larger break.

• The Eisenhower Matrix to Prioritize says to once a week write down everything you need to do and then sort it by the matrix, which includes a scale from urgent/important—do to not urgent/not important—eliminate.

Every employee is going to have different decisions to make in navigating their parental responsibilities. What is right for one parent may not be the same for someone else. Organizations must determine how to best approach supporting their staff and their families in the ways most appropriate for their needs and that of the organization.

Who is Val the HR Gal?

“Val the HR Gal” is a personal avatar that represents a fusion of all the relationship-building expertise that I’ve developed over the course of my 25+ year HR career, including becoming a certified coach using emotional intelligence testing with the EQ-i2.0 tool developed by Multi-Health Systems. https://www.mhs.com/MHS-Talent?prodname=eq2  This blog feature is designed not only as a forum to deliver expert advice in the HR field and how building better relationships can lead to greater success, but more importantly, an opportunity to share the joy and excitement of learning and participating in stimulating debate, meeting new people, and creating lifelong connections.

Why the tagline, “success through relationships?”

Our relationships, both personal and professional, permeate every facet of our lives—in equally meaningful and mundane ways.  There are numerous studies, particularly in the area of “emotional intelligence (EI),” that suggest that those with highly developed skills in EI enjoy 60% - 70% more professional success, personal fulfillment and happiness than those without. EI is defined as a set of emotional and social skills that influence the way we perceive and express ourselves, develop and maintain social relationships, cope with challenges, and use emotional information in effective and mean­ingful ways. This website and blog will help you to develop a road map to strengthen your relationships through purposeful self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills to usher in superior personal success.

Now what?”

We are being called upon to move beyond just being smart and technically competent, but emotionally attuned as well. Incumbent with navigating circles of colleagues, relatives and friends who encompass multiple generations and life experiences, we must demonstrate purposeful initiative, empathy, adaptability and persuasiveness. How does a person distinguish between what is “good,” from what is “right?” What are the EI factors that enable us to maximize the positivity in our relationships?

I have created this online presence to share knowledge; practice EI techniques;provide a creative outlet to test ideas and receive constructive feedback, both for business and personal development and growth; as well as gain valuable connections that produces a networking forum in the area of relationship-building. Stay tuned to this site for more information to help you create the best relationships of our life!

Val the HR Gal’s Three P’s of Relationships

Our personal success likely depends upon how well we manage and nurture the significant relationships in our lives. My previous blog touched upon EI—Emotional Intelligence—how managing one’s own emotions and taking cues from other’s emotions helps to successfully navigate all of the relationships in our lives.  Another tool in fostering those skills can be found by exploring the five love languages as identified by Gary Chapman to improve personal and familial relationships.  http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Today I’d like to discuss why the study of relationships is a passion of mine, and why I feel it’s so important for people to develop and nourish the various relationships in their lives.  I believe that the quality of our relationships dictate both our happiness and success. The three P’s of key relationships in many of our lives are Parental (or whomever raised you), Partnership, and Professional.

Parental: If we look back on the first meaningful relationships in our lives, it’s with our parents or whoever raised us. Those impressions and experiences have a profound influence on how we live our lives and the choices we make. As we grow and mature, our relationships impact our learning experiences and also influences our sense of happiness. This is true both personally and professionally. Ultimately, we create success in many areas of our lives by the trial and error of developing and sustaining meaningful relationships.

Partnership: Let’s take a look at the partnership relationship. Fox News Health reported on a study which showed that individuals in happy marriages had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol, as compared with single or divorced participants. Elevated levels of cortisol can lead to infection, which is tied to various chronic ailments like heart disease, diabetes and cancer.  http://www.foxnews.com/health/2017/02/14/7-health-benefits-being-in-happy-marriage.html According to the study, benefits for those happily married include:

• May enjoy overall longer lasting life

• May be better protected from heart disease and stroke

• May fare better after surgery

• May age more happily

For example, my sister has been in a long-term marriage where they love one another and continue to be each other’s best friend. They laugh and joke with one another, travel together, and just hang out alone or with friends. They enjoy the glow of good health (minor aches and pains notwithstanding), and are appreciating life. Although my sister and I are products of divorce, no one in her husband’s immediate family has ever divorced.  A good marriage is not the cure for whatever ails you, but research supports the concept that those in good marriages enjoy the success of better mental and physical health.

Professional: The third “P” is professional. My grad school thesis was on the positive career results of black women who had mentors. That research examined the connection between employees’ job growth, promotions and salary increases, with having mentors and positive relationships with supervisors.  I concluded that there was a good body of research that supports the idea that connections forged through positive relationships with supervisors, and mentoring, opens doors to greater opportunities. Some of that research also supported that many successful professionals attributed much of their career achievement to their mentoring relationships.  To that point, I share a quote from Oprah Winfrey regarding mentorship:

“I think mentors are important and I don’t think anybody makes it in the world without some form of mentorship. Nobody makes it alone. Nobody has made it alone. And we are all mentors to people even when we don’t know it.”

Productive parental connections, good marriages or loving partnerships, professional mentorship, as well as positive supervisory/subordinate relationships are all examples—but by no means exhaustive—of connections that contribute to our overall well-being and success, and shows us how to create success through relationships. What are some of the great relationships that are impacting your life in a meaningful way?!I would love to hear from you.

Keys to Engaging Millennials, or Generation Y

I recently asked my newly minted masters’ degreed intern, “What are the top three requests that young college grads say they want from a prospective employer?” And what she said didn’t surprise me. They were:

1)      Guidance and mentorship

2)      Freedom to be innovative and creative

3)      Equal respect towards ideas and input despite age difference

Contrary to the reputation that Millennials have of sometimes being uncommitted (i.e., propensity for job hopping); entitled (i.e., expecting a promotion after the 3-month probationary period is over); and needy—the “look at me!” generation who was raised with getting a trophy for simply participating, and not necessarily excelling or winning. As with any stereotypical assessments, obviously these traits are not true for all Millennials, nor are they necessarily pervasively true characteristics of this generation of young workers as a whole, or even limited to them. And, to the extent that some of these portraits are true, it is likely highly influenced by their parents’ behavior towards them (Baby Boomers [1946 – 1964] and Generation X [1965 to 1979]. Parents born in generations past have sometimes felt that they didn’t want to raise their children in lack, and—like our parents before us—wanted to provide a better life so that our children did not have to struggle. Statistic suggest that the Millennial generation will be the first to not do as well economically as their parents. What’s behind that? Sometimes, the lessons forged by having to work for everything one receives gets lost, and occasionally to the detriment of some young people’s work ethic and preparedness for the sometimes hard realities of life.

 However, living in a capitalist society teaches us all the need for money to survive. And, unless one is born into money, then the need to work is non-negotiable. Middle and lower-income children are not always taught good money management, let alone how to manage their work lives and careers. That’s why it’s incumbent upon the larger work community to support the development of the workers who will come in after us, and in some instances, to replace us. The only constant is change and while there will always be a place for mature and seasoned workers in society—either through consulting, entrepreneurship, or mentorship—everyone in the workforce has a part to play.

So, please, let’s stop pointing fingers, stereotyping and making excuses, and start engaging with one another in meaningful ways for the betterment of society. We have to sit down and talk to one another and listen to what the other person is saying. Everyone’s opinions and thoughts have value, they just have to be applied appropriately.

 What have you learned from the smart, engaged Millennials in your life, and how do we keep those conversations going?